THE IMAGINARY EAVESDROPPER: ERDOGAN CONGRATS EDITION

Three foreign leaders were quick to call Mr. Erdogan to congratulate him on his presidential victory — Hungary’s Prime Minister Viktor Orban, Iran’s President Hassan Rouhani, and Russia’s President Vladimir Putin. A brief imagining of what each might have said.

Orban: Recep! Nicely done. Love what you’ve done with the place — controlling media and the courts is pretty real, right? Listen, can’t help but notice that you’re still housing 3.4 million refugees from Syria. If you… eh… have any plans to stick it to the EU by letting them through, let’s talk ahead of time, shall we? Btw, if you need any anti-Soros swag, I’ve got TONS left over.

Putin: Recep Ahmetovich! Only 52% of the vote and a coalition in parliament? Psht! If people really think you’re trying to be me, you’ve got a long way to go, patsan… But anyway, nicely done and of course, next time NATO or the Europeans give you grief, I’ve got that relief.

Rouhani: Hi. Hassan here. Thanks for taking my call. . . Hello? . . Oh good, you’re still there. Listen, nice job with the election — remember, our annual Implacable Opponents of Israel and Saudi and the Kurds BBQ/Bakesale is coming up and you haven’t RSVP’d, but I know you’ve been busy — see you there?

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During the Munich Security Conference 2025, the BMW Foundation will again host the BMW Foundation Herbert Quandt Pavilion. From February 13th to 15th, we will organize panels, keynotes, and discussions focusing on achieving energy security and economic prosperity through innovation, policy, and global cooperation. The BMW Foundation emphasizes the importance of science-based approaches and believes that the energy transition can serve as a catalyst for economic opportunity, sustainability, and democratic resilience. Our aim is to facilitate solution-oriented dialogues between business, policy, science, and civil society to enhance Europe’s competitiveness in the energy and technology sectors, build a strong economy, and support a future-proof society. Read more about the BMW Foundation and our Pavilion at the Munich Security Conference here.